There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
