did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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