I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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