you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
