Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
