It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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