We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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