At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
