I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
