I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
