i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
