My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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