It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
