You can't special order awesome
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
