Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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