Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
