i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize