I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize