o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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