I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
