I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
