bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We are all done wearing pants today
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
