There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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