"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
