Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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