you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
