I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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