I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
