Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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