I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
