so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
