It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
