At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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