OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
