Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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