tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
