Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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