My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's just like the Real World with babies
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
