We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
