I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
