none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize