god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
