I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
