I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
