I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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