Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
