shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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