"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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