Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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