Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
