My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Still dying that you shit outside
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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