I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
