I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
