Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
