People in love make me want to vomit
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
