he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
