I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize