I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
