Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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