if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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