He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
