fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
