now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
