ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
