I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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