So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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