Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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