I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
