He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
