mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
