I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Green mimosas i think yes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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