Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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