I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Less talking, more tequila
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
