I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
