just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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