READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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