I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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