God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't deserve a penis
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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